The Journey Of The Arctic Tern

Defn changed

2011-07-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

I removed the old one, n put in a new one...

The old one is here:

A free bird, flying into unknown
skies,
seeking her horizon,
so clear and high.
She has no map,no guide,
her instincts her sole steer.
Noone can tame her,
noone can own her,
swiftly she glides across
the celestial skies

---------
M

hindi rants

2011-02-19T21:56:00.000-08:00

kya likhein hum, likhne ki iccha toh zaroor umad padi hai
zindagi ke raste chalte hue pal toh bitaaye, kuch khushi kuch gham mein
ab pataa chala zindagi ne zindagi ko mazaak bana diya
kya karein, hasein or roye, yeh samajh mein nahi aa raha

---- after finding very interesting happenings over the day. Dunno to laugh or cry.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
khush naseeb hoon, apne chahne waalon se ghiri jo hoon
par yeh kameena mann, apni hi manmaani se door nahi hat'ta
yeh dar kayam hai, kahin kar na de mera mann mere apnon se door
ek nadan si bhool, kuch unkahi lavsein
kahin kar na jaye meri khushiyon mein daraar

---after realising how some actions, though intended to spread happiness, go horribly wrong.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
har pal rehti hai yeh jung mere mann mein
ek baar lagta, ise todd ke mitaa doon uske dukhon ka karan
aur yeh soch ke tasalli ho "na bajega baas na bajegi baasuri"
par yeh bhi lage, yaar, mera yaar mujhse bichhad jayega
ghhot doon apni hi khushiyon ka galaa,
ya dabaa doon apne zameer ki aawaaz?

---this is a Q that arises every so often. shud I be the Ram or the Ravan? the righteous man who goes against his own wishes, or the brahmin highly respected man, who gets called an asur only bcoz he gave in to his feelings?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is on my mind, really?!

2010-06-05T19:20:00.000-07:00

So, whole of today, I spent doing nothing but watching gossip girl. In the morning, I had a bad cold, which thankfully reduced. I dint wanna go out anywhere, no haircut, no canoeing, no FL either.
I also suddenly lost interest in coding. Coding is such a part of my life, that I stopped thinking about how I can choose to not do it. Today, I felt like stopping. Of course, it is fun. But really, I feel there are better things to do. Or I guess, I just dont want to code.
Got me thinking what I am doing here at NC then, when my parents are there. Sitting on a loan, without any internship, or any assistanceship. Taking life itself lightly, seriousness is gone. IT is like I gave up in the battle. Or rather, like I am waiting for the battle to start. Going by current trends, looks like my battle will start soon.

Probably sounds weird, since I have always wanted to choose the love in my life, I never ever thought I would settle for an arranged marriage, since childhood. But then, yes, today I admit that I feel bad to be choosing my love and not telling my parents. I am guessing they would agree, though they would be dissappointed. What hurts me most is when they actually think of how I was busy falling in love while they were earning hard and saving like crazy to support my education here. I really really wonder if it is worth hurting my parents.

Why wont future me come and help me now! I just need to know. Gosh, I'm 25 and this all sounds like a teenager. I guess, its all about "have your fun for now, ultimately it is all the same".

I have noone to talk to about this, and so here it comes pouring out.
I feel like I havent really made peace with myself settling down. Is he really my knight in shining armor? Well, I am not really a princess, but still. I don't even know what I want and that which is missing. He is all goody goody, who fell in love with one girl, and wont think of it ever. But I really wonder, what runs in his head. He supports me in all my nonsense. How?!
Does he never feel like there is something (a lot) actually lacking in me, and doesnt he ever wonder what it would be like if he had not asked me ever? Because I am sure I wouldnt have been bold enough to ask.

I dont feel hungry either today. I have no friend here to talk to. KB - well, the last person I should tell this to! SwatCat - she is too young, she doesnt know what it is like.
Sam - she has tons of her life to handle. the fact that she can chat with me is all I can ask for.
Oh Sam!! How I wish skal had never happened! I would have never known you! I would be some artificial person, an itsy bitsy NPSite, would have never known to laugh, be happy, believe in oneself,

Miss you and your advice! really! you were my strength! I am really quite useless without you da,

-M signs off boldly, hoping noone reads this rant.

Guess What..!

2010-04-04T12:16:00.001-07:00

I saw an old movie, "Main prem ki diwani hoon". It's a useless movie, has some pathetic performances, but it is my favorite because that was the first movie we watched as a family, when my sis was 3 yrs old. That movie me and my parents were going to the theater after many years, and it was my sister's first movie.

That stupid movie got me thinking, what will happen if my parents want me to marry a boy of their choice? [Ya, news flash! Marriage is heavily weighing on the near future]

Current situation: they have loved me for what, 24 years, and cared for me, and are STILL looking after my education. Of course I intend to pay the loan, but current stand: the loan is on my Dad's name.

And guess what my decision is: I will go along with their wishes. I can repay my 4 years probably, but I cannot repay 24 years of everything. If I do go with their wishes, someone will blame me and be angry with me (my sin, and I have to atone for it), but if I go against, my parents will only blame themselves. Not good. Ya, I would lose respect in my friends eyes and duniya, but if i don't do that, my future wont respect me.

Having said that, parents please agree!

-A nut case with psychic thoughts of practical suicide

In loving memory of “reasonandpassion.blogspot.com”

2010-03-29T23:51:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, a little girl discovered "The Atlas Shrugged" and then "The Fountainhead" and soon there opened to her a world of objectivism. She was drawn towards it, and often wondered about the people who thought like her, or so she believed. Amongst those people, there was one blog that she was drawn to, a blog so well written and so transparent that its thoughts were clearly visible. The little girl admired even the images that were placed on that blog. It was her favorite. As she grew up, she lost touch with the blog.

However the name remained in her mind. And whenever she thought of the name, a wild sort of happiness rose in her… happiness of seeking the unknown, of living an exciting and dangerous life, sound of laughter of someone who had bold joy, of dying a glorious death. A few years later, when she could summon the courage to open the blog again, she realized the blog was no more! Nippun Goel had removed it, and along with the blog went away the thoughts the blog carried. She searched using Google, but in vain! All hopes of the blog having been shifted to another location were dissolved as neither Google nor Bing could find out any information.

If anyone has backup of that blog, please post a comment here.

Thank you.

An Anthem – ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling

2010-03-28T08:18:00.001-07:00

This poem was printed and pinned on my cubicle wall when I was an intern at Microsoft. The paper went into the garbage bin, but the poem stuck around. And whenever I remembered it, I used to Google it and read it from some other's blog. I wonder why I dint paste it on my blog itself. So here goes -

'If' – by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And–which is more–you'll be a Man, my son!

–Rudyard Kipling

The Hunting Game

2010-03-26T14:23:00.000-07:00

The (internship) hunting season is full on-resumes being updated as even a word can cause a difference, sites being scourged, any email notifications that comes bring about anticipation, disappointment and then frustration.

The companies are least bothered about whoever they recruit i the best or not - they just want someone who fits the bill. Unfortunately, majority here is made from the same mold. So I may not be very different from someone else. Indian Education system is way ahead in one technology - cloning. They have successfully not created clones but morphed a set of humans to one clone. Should I blame the education system ? Who asked those humans to go with the flow, and not dare something different.

Among many of us there is a fight internally - cash or interest. Because many times the internship offered is not in the field of interest. What to do, big companies cant trust interns to do great work...Neither can I ;)
So as I see someone get an internship while I failed the lat rounds, I just tell myself that my chances of getting something in my area of interest are still there, maybe low, but they exist.

I just compare this period of waiting for an internship to a course in an ashram. IT is like a real life game - there s misery and frustration around, cash is limited, a lot of low qualities are seen, people around are seen in their worst forms. And in that, if I observe what is around me, and be the "lion" among the sheep. If I try to understand everyone around me, to forgive, forget, be happy and spread happiness, do I win the game? I atleast will go to the higher level in the meaning of my existence.

A few months back I used to have this thought many times in my head. It is as though totally people from different walks of life have been picked and made to stay together. And they are not given ALL that they wish for. And its like hell, as everyone is fighting to survive, and so the virtues of man have disappeared, people have descended to lowest form of living.
And I am thankful I see it as a game. Guess it shows the change in my head.

Looks like agnostic and atheistic "belief" is out of my system.
Back to my undergrad self...

How does it feel?
Feels like a young 17 year old, her thoughts and her beliefs her own...

-Minehaha
[laughing water]

a Marathi work of art

2010-02-24T16:03:00.000-08:00

I tried out google 's transliteration tool. Its made me feel closer to marathi. So here s a poem in marathi.
As usual, its just a collection of thoughts.

आयुष्यातले स्वप्न राहून गेले
साधे काम सुद्धा मिळायला अवघड झाले
वाढणारया कर्जाची काळजी तेवढी राहिली
कशाला आले मी इथे, मी विसरले

तुम्ही विचार करत असाल, हे आले कसे माझ्या मनात
आज एक स्पोर्ट्स कार बघितली,
नेहमी म्हणते एका दिवशी मी सुद्धा घेईन अशीच
आज लक्षात आलं, ती माझी नाही होणार कधीच

--based on a true story, but not mine :P

Senti Indian on his motherland

2009-11-04T18:17:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: This post does not indicate that this space will henceforth be used for citing my views on other blogs :P and it also does not carry with it the promise of writing continuously.

I read the article http://www.mindtree.com/subrotobagchi/my-mother-is-an-ugly-woman/ and I am not moved by this. I heard 2 people voicing their opinion, both taking opposite sides, and hence I m even bothering to write.
I find that the writer has got sentimental about some point, and hence his points seem biased to me . I is entirely my reflection; he might have presented facts but I see that he has not pointed one good point about the talk or even mentioned about what the lecture was. This brings about the doubt that the writer never even understood the presenter's point but got sentimental over the "motherland" insult.
It could also be the fact that the presenter had brought in those jokes to add in some light element in order to start his talk and proceed to mentioning the good things about India (there is a vague mention about ancient culture etc in writer's blog). In which case, the writer may not have listened to the presenter with an open mind. It is a possibility, but when looked at from this point of view it only makes the writer immature about issues concerning India.

Here is one scenario: If everyone agreed that the presenter was "wrong", then the presenter would have to apologize for having said bad things about India. And this would be a lesson to other educated people to be careful about what they say. In short, by saying that this is not what educated people should talk about, we are bringing in the same ways as what happens when someone says something vaguely referring to some race/caste/creed etc - "say sorry".

It seems like the issue co-founder of mindtree is talking about is being ashamed or not be ashamed. That is something someone, esp. such great thinkers, should not be thinking of. If the same effort was spent on fixing one of the issues, that would be something I would get sentimental on!

Maturity = Loneliness?

2008-10-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

I went to college last week. Met my HOD and went to the beach. It was so peaceful!
I was suprised to see that I wasnt bored at all, though i was alone there, without any company. I ended up recollecting memories as I walked through the same old streets.

Its so odd, that time I had so many friends I could count on. In fact, I used to hang out with different groups, and was always torn between them. The contrast now is so striking. Some of my friends are in Bangalore, the rest doing their higher studies.
World now is so different. Definition of "Friends" has itself changed! I have many friends in office too, in fact people envy me for having so many friends. I stay with my college friends, and I know a couple of friends in this city who are from college. None of them are people I can depend upon. None who have the spirit and enthusiasm as my people back at skal. Each one has set ideas about life and de Everyone is either already committed or looking out for a companion. Those committed prefer each other's company all the time, and in due course I only have to adjust to accomodate them and their love interests into all activities. Ufff!!
Generally such things are felt by people who are not in a relationship. But I realised today that is not true. Even being in one does not stop me from missing my friends. I still would love to do those things I did last year and even in college.
But I guess its more about accepting that my friends are moving ahead in life. Eventually we all will be settled and will place our families above friends. They have just taken the step, and I am just angry that someone else is going to be above me. I am not important, or equally important anymore! Noone will miss me!! Noone will care about me!!! Noone, none of those friends whom I have spent such great times with!!!!
I dont care about the whole world missing me. I care about my friends not caring about me. I love to be wanted. I want to be missed.
Guess I always felt this way, maybe everyone does. It's just that it is difficult to admit.

I dont miss anyone in particular.
I dont miss home so much.
I dont miss childhood.
I miss college!

Sleeping beside the Radio

2008-07-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

I was coming back from this shop today evening. It was the usual dusty street outside my house. Ok, so I stay off this dusty street which is first of all filled with potholes and mud, and then there are people walking around, buses plying to and fro, cars and motorcyles speeding within the space left, the remaining road taken up by people selling fruits on carts . I was hurrying through the road so that I could leave that dust cloud and go back home. As I was walking past, I heard a faint radio being played at the steps of a closed shop. I turned to see, and saw this little girl sleeping peacefully next to an emergency lamp which seemed to have an in-built radio. She did look like from a poor family, but was well dressed and had her hair tightly braided. I suppose the kid's parent would have made her sleep and gone back to work somewhere nearby.
She looked so peaceful, i felt like moving my hand over her head.

Now I do not have even traces of attachment towards kids. If they are cute and smart, I am happy to see the bounce around their parents. I can go say a "heylo" to them in an artificially sweet voice just to please the kid's parent, but otherwise I do not like their company. And I was shocked as to why I felt so touched by that sleeping girl. Somehow looking at her, I forgot how dusty the road was, how people around me were yelling and bustling around. I did not hear the horn of buses, screeching brakes of motorcycles, I just felt like smiling.

:)

Yaadein

2008-06-23T07:14:00.000-07:00

Nagme hain, shikwe hain
Kisse hain, baatein hain
Baatein bhool jaati hain
Yaadein yaad aati hain
Yeh yaadein kisi dil-o-jaanam ke
Chale jaane ke baad aati hain
Yaadein, yaadein, yaadein

Bandhan ho to chhode
Darpan ho to tode
Hum sab hain mushkil mein
Yeh dil hai is dil mein
Yaadein, yaadein, o yaadein

Nagme hain, shikwe hain
Kisse hain, baatein hain
Baatein bhool jaati hain
Yaadein yaad aati hain
Yeh yaadein kisi dil-o-jaanam ke
Chale jaane ke baad aati
Yeh yaadein, haan yeh yaadein, yaadein

Duniya mein hum saare
Yaadon ke hai maare
Kuch kushiyaan, thode gham
Yeh humse, inse hum
Yaadein, o meethi meethi yaadein
Khatti meethi yaadein

Nagme hain, shikwe hain
Kisse hain, baatein hain
Baatein bhool jaati hain
Yaadein yaad aati hain
Yeh yaadein kisi dil-o-jaanam ke
Chale jaane ke baad aati hain
Yaadein, yaadein, oh yaadein

-from the movie Yaadien

Almost a year from "home"

2008-05-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

A couple of days more and it will be a year since i left 'home'. Yes, i did visit my college and hostel after that, but dint dare to go to my floor. I was scared it might erase the memory i have of it back when we used to occupy that floor.

Well, I dont think i have changed much. I still talk like a grad student, as I was told by my Mgr.

I do dress up more in salwars these days than jeans and t-shirt or tracks. But its still the trademark kurtas that are my favorite.

Overall i do have a huge social circle, lots of friends in office itself and a few outside because of college. I have not at all kept in touch with old friends. Somehow I just cant talk to them openly over the phone. It is so much better to just sit in someone s room and chat face to face.

And then there is a set of friends whom i had to stop calling to teach myself to move on with life. For how long will i keep calling them and cribbing to them.

I still get teased here too!! but yes, it is much easier to control than in college, or maybe i have just become shameless and not bothered.

It feels like i am at the shore, and people around me keep moving like waves. They come they go. Some return too, but with feeble effect. Everyone has an ambition , a dream towards which they are moving.
Where is mine?
Was it ever there?
Why am I still at the shore?

E mail from phone

2008-01-07T21:43:00.001-08:00

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

2007-10-22T02:56:00.000-07:00

It was a dusty evening, and the traffic outside my office building was as usual. I decided to get a quick bite at Wraps & Rolls and get back to work. And hence there I was , trying to cross the road and in the process, dodging in between speeding autos and swiftly moving cars.

I had to wait some time to get my order processed, and took some time to observe the people hsatily boarding share autos, catching buses. One could almost read their worried thoughts from their faces. Another guy had bought a roll before me and as he stood there eating, a beggar girl kept pestering him. My first thoughts were at disgust for all beggars worldwide. But then I noticed that this girl was hardly 7 years old, she was hardly wearing anything, some dirty shorts, had untidy hair which was tied up in a ponytail. After a few minutes I saw her eating that guy's roll, I guess he gave it to her. She sat with her mother, hungrily devouring it.

I have read about poverty in books, written "letters to editor" as part of english exercises about slum dwellers, "garibi hatao" of the Congress, but never thought about it deeply till this moment. I saw this young working girl, beautiful long hair, fair skin, a neat patiala salwar and fitting kurta, and tried to see this through that little girl's eyes. And then, wondered if this girl would even dare to dream of owning such simple pleasures that we have without much effort.

As I quickly tried to get back my composure and cross that road of hurdles to get back to work, I wondered if it is fate, luck, or "karma" that I am where I am and the little girl is where she is.

I tried searching her the next day, dint find her, but saw her mother with some other kid. By then, the horror had set in and I dint feel much for the other kid as I had for this girl.

But some things still dont change....

2007-07-17T05:31:00.001-07:00

You may be working, but you still belong to that herd of gals that graduated from NITK in 2007. And you get reminders of that..

You meet some of the hostel gals over a lunch and you are reminded of the herd mentality that we so stuck by over the past 4 years.. Go anywhere, but as a gang..
The teasing that used to happen in college is still very much prevalent. Whoever thought that it is over with college is deeply mistaken!! In fact, it gets newer and sometimes even serious.
Dad still gives you cash when you are leaving home.
Walk on the street of your apartment and u meet some nitkians loafing around in shorts, just like college!
Try as refined as you can get over the dinner table, once you are with hostelites in general, all that vanishes.
Your sis still misses you the same, and still considers you to be the same brat who can be troubled n pinched as before..

A month into Corporate

2007-07-17T05:15:00.000-07:00

A month into being a "working mahila", as a friend calls us and I have noticed some things.

You cannot avoid the aunty type handbag if you go looking for something to take to work. That is primarily because there exist only 3 types of bags:

college bags
aunty bags [that our mums used to take to work when we were kids]
party bags- very flashy, and all seem to have gold or silver on them.

So I ended up taking a normal back pack type of bag to office.

Mums look younger than you. Go to a park, and u see a fit and trim gal chasing a lil kid n then you realise that she is a mum.. Gosh, when did I start comparing myself to mums!! Yuck!!!
When the driver says Maam, it is for you, not for ur mum. Similarly when the driver asks for his fees, he asks you, not your Dad.
When your Dad buys a new car, Something stops you from calling it your car. N then you realise its because people joining with you have "their own car", not their Dad's.
When people talk of their girlfriends/boyfriends they dont blush anymore or offer any space to tease. Everything is now at a more serious level. So pulling their leg over a phone call looks very silly.
And now u have to handle your investments n taxes and all. Your dad cannot do that for you.Nor can you run to him for help. "You are accountable to the company"

hyderabad weather

2007-06-23T00:28:00.000-07:00

The sky was overcast, night was fast approaching,
I waited as usual, and he came, one last time.
As the rain blinded my eyes, i felt like ruffling his hair,
and giving him a bear hug.
It is true, some relationships have no name,
Alas, I realised it too late.
I wish my eyes were more expressive that day
because I had no words to say.
I wish I hadnt resorted to my usual jabber
maybe I would have said something then.

People come people go, its the memories that stay,
memories attached to plain objects,
memories attached to the now boring streets,
memories ....... the city knows.

The final year senti -mental

2007-04-29T00:22:00.000-07:00

And i was expected to cry at the GB farewell. I had finished shedding tears at the beginning of final year itself and my friends were on the lookout for another burst as they all had missed the first one. However, i was happily talking to my juniors and consoling my batchmates that evening.

After that day too, there have been many times when I expected myself to come close to tears but surprisingly have not. That day at the farewell, i wish i had a tear in my eye to show that i cared that we were leaving. Tears express the extent of emotions. but i had no tear, only a smile. I dont know what has changed in me but surely this is not the normal Mad.

It somehow feels inadequate to dissolve into tears now. This parting requires much more than a few drops of salt water. And i am overcome with emotions to such an extent that i dont feel miserable that i wont have my closest pals with me in a couple of months. I dont feel that familiar knot in my throat when i am reminded of something that happened in these 4 years. I just feel calm, like a transparent ghost absorbing the happenings in an unconcerned manner.

It does not feel human.

if( u r a girl) then formals= sari;

2007-04-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

I wonder who brought about this false idea that the ideal formal dress for girls is a sari. We wore saris for ring ceremony [for those who think it to be synonymous to engagement , scroll down please], and there were hardly any who looked 'formal'. We looked like socialites attending a party, girls attending a friend's wedding, even the bride's family members, but not engineers about to graduate.

A lot of thought was put into the color of the sari and everyone had begun sari preparations 3 months in advance. Then, a month before, almost everyone could be seen at the small tailors' shops at Surathkal, getting their blouses stitched or getting their mum's blouses altered. Some went to Mangalore to buy matching jewelery for their saris. And after every new addition to their sari, the sari was tried out with all the accessories collected so far.

If anyone thought that preparations to wear a sari involved only buying stuff from shops , they were so wrong. People turned weight conscious exactly a month before and suddenly, everyone could be seen feeling their tummies daily to check for any changes in the size. A fortnight before the slated day, some went on crash diets so as to look thin that day. However, all these intense preparations had to be carried on for a little longer as the ring ceremony itself got advanced. Apparently the rings hadn't arrived.

Some early birds, anticipating a crowd on the days near the ceremony date, visited the parlor well in advance only to realise the ceremony was again advanced. So as the third date approached, everyone was quite done with their preparations and GB 3rd floor wore a peaceful look.

The day of the ring ceremony, everyone had a good afternoon nap and whole floor was up by 4 pm taking bath. Since very few knew how to drape a sari, schedules had been fixed beforehand, as i was told when i went asking people to help me with my sari.

And after all the makeup and perfect hairstyles, we sat listening to speeches and afterwards, wore the ring given by our HOD, had dinner, took many pics in all permutations and came back.
I never understood the reason behind wearing a sari and not salwar. The efforts that were put into wearing the sari dint seem worth it.

PS1: The ring ceremony is a formal occasion organised by the institute wherein the students take a pledge of working honestly and sincerely and being worthy of the institute, the profession and the country.

PS2: i wonder if anyone can guess which para refers to me... [:)]

Birds in the sky

2007-04-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

We sat on plastic chairs on a hot evening. It was hot as usual and i was in a sari - dress code was formals. Fanning myself with the sheet of paper that contained my pledge, i sat staring idly at the dais. Some dignitary was giving a speech and hardly anyone was listening. Most were busy looking around, looking for their friends and classmates and 4years' crushes. Bored, i looked up at the sky, and saw a flock of birds, moving in the exact V formation that we used to draw as kids. It made me think of us.

The 400 students that sat there listening to the speech were just a bunch of noisy birds that were about to fly in different directions. We had come from various parts of the country and had stayed together for 4 years. We became a part of the collective: NITKians. The campus had become 2nd home, 1st to many. This place gave us all the freedom and a small dose of the world. And just when we had got adjusted to our batchmates and had made some wonderful friends and explored the campus, we were to leave.

We had come as fledglings, we now leave as swans.

Powerless

2007-01-31T21:16:00.000-08:00

The feeling when you want to strike back at something you so loathe but your hands are tied back.

The feeling when you see something so spectacular and marvelous that you cant help but admire it, even though you know it is detested or dangerous.

The feeling when you meet someone so perfect, so much that you blindly fall in love without thinking about realistic factors.

Its amazing that such contrasting emotions can make one feel powerless.

Powerless

2007-01-31T20:59:00.000-08:00

That is exactly how i felt at 5:30 in the morning when in the bus from bangalore back to college. This man sitting in the single seater behind me had just put his hand in my shirt! My immediate reaction had been to go complain to the driver but as I walked till the driver's seat, I realised we were in the ghats Moreover, in the night when everyone was fast asleep, the driver was not the one I would want to trust. So I had asked the guy sitting in front of me to swap places with me and the sweet chap did so immediately [Bless him] .

And there I was, contemplating on what to do. Should I go right now and punch him on his face and gorge out his eyes, or should I do as all my elders would have adviced- sit quitely and not tell a word of it to anyone ?

That is when I got the full impact of how helpless and weak I actually was. See a single girl and any pipsqueak could dare to misbehave because he has the confidence that she will not retalliate. I could have been anyone - a lady with 2 little kids, a girl of barely 13. I would not have had the guts to retalliate if the guy looked anywhere near dangerous. I would have done just what thousands like me have done so far- sit silently.

I refuse to be silent, I refuse to be subdued.
I refuse to feel powerless.

Distinguishing the past and the future..

2007-01-22T09:19:00.000-08:00

"Aurobindo Ghose writes somewhere of the present as the pure and virgin moment',htat razor's edge of time and existence which divides the past from the future,and is, and yet, instantaneously is not.The phrase is attractive and yet what does it mean?The virgin moment emerging from the veil of the future in all its naked purity, coming into contact with us, and immediately becoming the soiled and stale past.Is it we that soil it and violate it? Or is the moment not so virgin after all, for it is bound up with all of the harlotry of the past? "

Taken from The Discovery of India, Jawaharlal Nehru.

Nehru has expressed his thoughts quite well, and though the book is well written, I cannot help thinking of him as a hypocrite because he talks of sitting in jail as some great act whereas there were thousands who spent many more years in jail and were even tortured to death. He also talks of hindu-muslim divide as if he were against it whereas whole of India knows that he and many others very much wanted it because of power.

Sometimes I pity such hypocrites; They might do such a good job of faking that they might never be able to admit the truth to anyone, not even themselves.

Goan Gypsy

2007-01-21T09:58:00.000-08:00

Sun and sand,
summer hats n cooling glasses
tanned skin and bright colored clothing
funky trinkets that go with the mood
the blue sky which makes you hum "ya ya maya-ya, ya ya..."

Just back from goa, i havent yet washed my clothes or cleared my luggage. i thought i will quickly write a post before i start off with my jobs. But then, i got to know of a post written about our trip by a classmate. Must say, i seriously dint know out trip would feature in any of the guys' blogs..i was quite taken by surprise to see that someone has about 10% of his blog (as of now) about our trip. And that too from someone i thought was an MCP (this of course proved me wrong) .. Quite flattering. Ofcourse, there are some funny remarks intended to insult, but really, those are commonplace in final year..

Well, now that i have done justice to the funny post of his( i really liked the black friday joke and the grocer one, but writer could have done better than the one on suicide) , let me proceed to goa.

In a nutshell, we visited Mapusa friday market, calangute beach for watersports, chapore fort, heritage homes, 3 churches and adjoining museums, a wildlife sanctuary, Santa Monica boat ride, Dona Paula and tried out goan cuisine - vindaloo, cashewnut bhaji, xacuti, bebinka. Did loads of shopping and soaking up of sunrays (tried to get a good tan, though i dont think it is visible right now).

I loved the Portugese style houses - they are of a completely different genre and i also realised that goa is a good place to shop for interior decoration pieces - Cheap prices and superb articles. I also loved water sports, particularly the banana boat ride, where 5 people are taken to the sea and the boat is overturned, so you are thrown into water and can float around in the sea. It feels fantastic to be in the centre of the sea, with the sun above your head and blue waters around you - i cannot describe the feeling as no words would do justice to it.

But most of all i liked the people in goa, or rather, the attitude of the people there. Everyone is so bindaas. You see locals wearing skirts and there is noone ogling at their legs. The firangs are so relaxed and a little extra bindaas, but then you tend to be more relaxed because of that. We were roaming around in shorts and capris, something impossible in broad daylight in our antic college with its old fashioned students and faculty. Well, after roaming around like dirty tourists in goa, i better get used to full jeans and salwars now that i am in college..

Some advice: Never take more than 2 sets of clothes as you can always buy there for dirt cheap prices, and there is stuff that can be bought and worn only in goa-use that during the stay, especially the brightly colored beads and saarongs and skirts - too cute.

Mumbai - the city of life

2007-01-03T08:20:00.000-08:00

The filthy sewage with plastic littered around it,
the whizzing locals packed with people,
the dusty skyline with long skyscrapers,
population that encloses every ethnic group.

That was my first impression of mumbai as I got off the train and moved towards a taxi. The exact features of city life - dirt and crowded roads.
I went shopping on Kolaba and on Lincoln Road. My wallet was stolen but fortunately, it did not contain any cash except for some chiller and a photograph.

As me and my friends walked along Marine Drive at sunset,I was still wondering why people love this city so much that any mumbaikar who comes to bangalore is unable to stay in bangalore for more than a year. We sat down along the road at Nariman Point and over a cup of chaha and a cone of salted groundnuts, my friend explained about life in mumbai. He asked us to look at the buildings along the road, the old and the new, the 2 stadiums and the road lit up with orange lights. He told us that if you were to imagine every light to be a person, then you get an idea of how vast this city is, and how numerous the opportunities are. Only then do you realise how insignificant you are to the person who is walking beside you on the road, and how meaningless your problems are. At that point, if you can stand tall and smile at those buildings, then you have arrived.

Amen to that.

Independence Day

2006-08-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

One of my friends wrote a post on Independence Day Celebrations and I commented on it.However since i was very brief in my comment I could not explain my stand. So here goes.....

I think Independence day is a historic event and is celebrated in memory of the struggle. It has no other significance since the problems faced in India are of an entirely different genre. However, in many of the speeches made on this day, people take time out to think whether they are proud to be Indians at all, and never cease to damn the government, society and even the junta. In other words, people evaluate India's situation on this day and wonder if it is worth being an Indian.

Well, I ask the question of whether I am 'proud' to be an Indian almost daily.
Whenever I read the newspapers and read about the country politics, regionalism, quota, Indian cricket, Sania's victory, Bollywood, even the Horoscope given under the title "Ganesha Says".

If people carried out the evaluation process daily instead of on Independence Day and Republic Day, I guess India will be better off. Only then will Indians question every action of theirs and the government and then we will actually have India "Shining".

PS: We celebrate many festivals without realising the purpose. Hence we end up doing unreasonable things like spending 10000 bucks on crackers or flooding a snake's hole with milk. There may be many stories behind a festival but it is the duty of every person to decide whether the reason or fable is worth the celebrations.

"Who will cry when u die?"

2006-08-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

"Who will mourn for you?" Who, in your life, is so important to you that they will cry at your funeral? Who will miss you when you are gone? Have you ever thought about that? If you haven't, maybe it's time you did.
Those people who will miss you when you are gone should be the most important people in your life. There should be nothing more important, in your life, than the people who will cry at your funeral.

This is also the theme for one of Robin Sharma's books.
Makes me wonder: you are dead, so why the Universe will you be bothered whether anyone cried for you?.

Surprisingly, I never thought of my funeral. Why should anyone? Live as long as its possible, because after that you ll cease to exist, and then how does it matter even if the Earth gets eaten up by the Sun!

Why do I feel so strongly?!!

2006-07-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

I was watching the movie Crash and had to pause it midway because my friends have some work.
The movie is so blatantly aimed at Racism. I particularly hate the part when the police officer stops the Black couple driving a car and harrasses them for absolutely no reason.

That jus made me think-" What if I were to be in such a helpless situation".
I would never be able to give an apology, but it would be absolutely impractical to retaliate and it would only lead to further harrassment.

I shiver when I think of what some people may have to put up with daily just to avoid further trouble and continue with their "normal" lives.

It would be so wonderful to have the power in your own hands so that we could have a chance to battle it out, and guard our dignity and pride - a "do or die".
That makes me wish the Star Wars concept of "The Force" existed in reality.

PS: Am i the only individual that gets so worked up for such issues?

My take on today's newspaper: A melange of thoughts

2006-06-15T22:54:00.000-07:00

Three children die in Niloufer Hospital, Hyderabad due to medical negligence.

Rahul Mahajan 's medical details were doctored.

What is happening to the medicos of today? The most learned and well-educated community, the top-brass in our education ladder.

I remember in my childhood I was taught to say "I want to become a doctor" because that was a profession that commanded respect and was a highly dignified profession - on the same lines as a poojary or a brahmin of the medieval times. A doctor was the most important person, always treated as a VIP and one could almost feel the aura of knowledge around him.

And then you have the union minister butting into the affairs of the AIIMS. Its high time the ministers kept off serious matters and stuck to their usual "keechhad-uchhalna" on other party members and the inaugurations of any building, be it a road or a toilet.

Well, I have heard the Registrar of my college, who handled a course on management last semester, talk of similar happenings in our college too. And of course, every now and then, there is a whimper of politics showing its hood in the industries, even software.

Does Politics have to be prevalent in every field? I wonder if there is any possibility of doing away with politics.....

And the WORST thing about newspapers , absolutely the WORST thing, is printing pictures of relatives of victims in agony. There was one right in the front page today. I think it is disgraceful for the paper to print pictures of dead bodies and that our Indian media is yet to understand. Displaying pictures of crying relatives, weeping, distraught mothers only sensitizes the issue. Of course, it may add on to the daily sales (I am yet to understand how) but there is a code of ethics newspapers ought to follow, them being the voice of the nation.
That one thing Indian media has yet to learn from the West.

2006-06-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

As the tern flies along the well known route, I wonder,
What would happen if I move upwards towards the glittering heavens,
and cross the barriers, so well known.
I know I will meet my doom,and my precious life will be no more.
But then, What are we given this life for?
To smile with pride and shine with happiness.
But why am I so stubborn to not move upwards
into the glittering heavens.....
And the Tern continues its flight...................

2006-05-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

The waves are too rough these days,
And I find myself tossed harshly.
I know I will survive.
My raft though puny,is made of true matter,
All I hope , and hope fervently,
is to reach the Utopian shore
before the waves dissolve my resolve.
--Just some thoughts...........

Air conditioned thoughts

2006-05-14T06:06:00.000-07:00

I just made a train journey with a friend of mine, and i discovered i get so lost outside the window even when i have company.

It was a night journey and i couldnt see much, but even then its so fascinating to see lights suddenly wizz past out of blackness, and then u realise that a town just passed by. Its nice to look outside the pitch black space outside and then see the reflection of your compartment on the same window pane- the bright lights and curtains and comfortable seats against the unknown dark. Awesome!

Whenever i travel by train, i tend to look down at the rails very often, tosee the gleam on the neighbouring tracks, that glides on the tracks along with the train, and suddenly it looks as though the gleam is moving faster than the train itself..

.................Just some thoughts...

2006-04-28T04:35:00.001-07:00

As I stood by the edge of the waves, my hair brushing against my face, I noticed a speck that was a ship, heading towards its destination. It was the only speck that spotted the calm and smooth sea, and the only characteristic the otherwise bland sea had.
It looked for a second as though the sea depended on the ship to give it definition. the sea existed for the ship.
........................................................Just some thoughts

2006-04-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

Simple aims, Simple dreams
So simple that it's above people's realm

---Mads

Beren and Thinuveil

2006-04-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from one of my favourite poems in The Lord of the Rings..

"He sought her ever, wandering far
Where leaves of years were thickly strewn,
By light of moon and ray of star
In frosty heavens shivering.
Her mantle glinted in the moon,
As on a hill-top high and far
She danced, and at her feet was strewn
A mist of silver quivering."

-Lord Of The Rings