The feeling when you want to strike back at something you so loathe but your hands are tied back.
The feeling when you see something so spectacular and marvelous that you cant help but admire it, even though you know it is detested or dangerous.
The feeling when you meet someone so perfect, so much that you blindly fall in love without thinking about realistic factors.
Its amazing that such contrasting emotions can make one feel powerless.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Powerless
That is exactly how i felt at 5:30 in the morning when in the bus from bangalore back to college. This man sitting in the single seater behind me had just put his hand in my shirt! My immediate reaction had been to go complain to the driver but as I walked till the driver's seat, I realised we were in the ghats Moreover, in the night when everyone was fast asleep, the driver was not the one I would want to trust. So I had asked the guy sitting in front of me to swap places with me and the sweet chap did so immediately [Bless him] .
And there I was, contemplating on what to do. Should I go right now and punch him on his face and gorge out his eyes, or should I do as all my elders would have adviced- sit quitely and not tell a word of it to anyone ?
That is when I got the full impact of how helpless and weak I actually was. See a single girl and any pipsqueak could dare to misbehave because he has the confidence that she will not retalliate. I could have been anyone - a lady with 2 little kids, a girl of barely 13. I would not have had the guts to retalliate if the guy looked anywhere near dangerous. I would have done just what thousands like me have done so far- sit silently.
I refuse to be silent, I refuse to be subdued.
I refuse to feel powerless.
And there I was, contemplating on what to do. Should I go right now and punch him on his face and gorge out his eyes, or should I do as all my elders would have adviced- sit quitely and not tell a word of it to anyone ?
That is when I got the full impact of how helpless and weak I actually was. See a single girl and any pipsqueak could dare to misbehave because he has the confidence that she will not retalliate. I could have been anyone - a lady with 2 little kids, a girl of barely 13. I would not have had the guts to retalliate if the guy looked anywhere near dangerous. I would have done just what thousands like me have done so far- sit silently.
I refuse to be silent, I refuse to be subdued.
I refuse to feel powerless.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Distinguishing the past and the future..
"Aurobindo Ghose writes somewhere of the present as the pure and virgin moment',htat razor's edge of time and existence which divides the past from the future,and is, and yet, instantaneously is not.The phrase is attractive and yet what does it mean?The virgin moment emerging from the veil of the future in all its naked purity, coming into contact with us, and immediately becoming the soiled and stale past.Is it we that soil it and violate it? Or is the moment not so virgin after all, for it is bound up with all of the harlotry of the past? "
Taken from The Discovery of India, Jawaharlal Nehru.
Nehru has expressed his thoughts quite well, and though the book is well written, I cannot help thinking of him as a hypocrite because he talks of sitting in jail as some great act whereas there were thousands who spent many more years in jail and were even tortured to death. He also talks of hindu-muslim divide as if he were against it whereas whole of India knows that he and many others very much wanted it because of power.
Sometimes I pity such hypocrites; They might do such a good job of faking that they might never be able to admit the truth to anyone, not even themselves.
Taken from The Discovery of India, Jawaharlal Nehru.
Nehru has expressed his thoughts quite well, and though the book is well written, I cannot help thinking of him as a hypocrite because he talks of sitting in jail as some great act whereas there were thousands who spent many more years in jail and were even tortured to death. He also talks of hindu-muslim divide as if he were against it whereas whole of India knows that he and many others very much wanted it because of power.
Sometimes I pity such hypocrites; They might do such a good job of faking that they might never be able to admit the truth to anyone, not even themselves.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Goan Gypsy
Sun and sand,
summer hats n cooling glasses
tanned skin and bright colored clothing
funky trinkets that go with the mood
the blue sky which makes you hum "ya ya maya-ya, ya ya..."
Just back from goa, i havent yet washed my clothes or cleared my luggage. i thought i will quickly write a post before i start off with my jobs. But then, i got to know of a post written about our trip by a classmate. Must say, i seriously dint know out trip would feature in any of the guys' blogs..i was quite taken by surprise to see that someone has about 10% of his blog (as of now) about our trip. And that too from someone i thought was an MCP (this of course proved me wrong) .. Quite flattering. Ofcourse, there are some funny remarks intended to insult, but really, those are commonplace in final year..
Well, now that i have done justice to the funny post of his( i really liked the black friday joke and the grocer one, but writer could have done better than the one on suicide) , let me proceed to goa.
In a nutshell, we visited Mapusa friday market, calangute beach for watersports, chapore fort, heritage homes, 3 churches and adjoining museums, a wildlife sanctuary, Santa Monica boat ride, Dona Paula and tried out goan cuisine - vindaloo, cashewnut bhaji, xacuti, bebinka. Did loads of shopping and soaking up of sunrays (tried to get a good tan, though i dont think it is visible right now).
I loved the Portugese style houses - they are of a completely different genre and i also realised that goa is a good place to shop for interior decoration pieces - Cheap prices and superb articles. I also loved water sports, particularly the banana boat ride, where 5 people are taken to the sea and the boat is overturned, so you are thrown into water and can float around in the sea. It feels fantastic to be in the centre of the sea, with the sun above your head and blue waters around you - i cannot describe the feeling as no words would do justice to it.
But most of all i liked the people in goa, or rather, the attitude of the people there. Everyone is so bindaas. You see locals wearing skirts and there is noone ogling at their legs. The firangs are so relaxed and a little extra bindaas, but then you tend to be more relaxed because of that. We were roaming around in shorts and capris, something impossible in broad daylight in our antic college with its old fashioned students and faculty. Well, after roaming around like dirty tourists in goa, i better get used to full jeans and salwars now that i am in college..
Some advice: Never take more than 2 sets of clothes as you can always buy there for dirt cheap prices, and there is stuff that can be bought and worn only in goa-use that during the stay, especially the brightly colored beads and saarongs and skirts - too cute.
summer hats n cooling glasses
tanned skin and bright colored clothing
funky trinkets that go with the mood
the blue sky which makes you hum "ya ya maya-ya, ya ya..."
Just back from goa, i havent yet washed my clothes or cleared my luggage. i thought i will quickly write a post before i start off with my jobs. But then, i got to know of a post written about our trip by a classmate. Must say, i seriously dint know out trip would feature in any of the guys' blogs..i was quite taken by surprise to see that someone has about 10% of his blog (as of now) about our trip. And that too from someone i thought was an MCP (this of course proved me wrong) .. Quite flattering. Ofcourse, there are some funny remarks intended to insult, but really, those are commonplace in final year..
Well, now that i have done justice to the funny post of his( i really liked the black friday joke and the grocer one, but writer could have done better than the one on suicide) , let me proceed to goa.
In a nutshell, we visited Mapusa friday market, calangute beach for watersports, chapore fort, heritage homes, 3 churches and adjoining museums, a wildlife sanctuary, Santa Monica boat ride, Dona Paula and tried out goan cuisine - vindaloo, cashewnut bhaji, xacuti, bebinka. Did loads of shopping and soaking up of sunrays (tried to get a good tan, though i dont think it is visible right now).
I loved the Portugese style houses - they are of a completely different genre and i also realised that goa is a good place to shop for interior decoration pieces - Cheap prices and superb articles. I also loved water sports, particularly the banana boat ride, where 5 people are taken to the sea and the boat is overturned, so you are thrown into water and can float around in the sea. It feels fantastic to be in the centre of the sea, with the sun above your head and blue waters around you - i cannot describe the feeling as no words would do justice to it.
But most of all i liked the people in goa, or rather, the attitude of the people there. Everyone is so bindaas. You see locals wearing skirts and there is noone ogling at their legs. The firangs are so relaxed and a little extra bindaas, but then you tend to be more relaxed because of that. We were roaming around in shorts and capris, something impossible in broad daylight in our antic college with its old fashioned students and faculty. Well, after roaming around like dirty tourists in goa, i better get used to full jeans and salwars now that i am in college..
Some advice: Never take more than 2 sets of clothes as you can always buy there for dirt cheap prices, and there is stuff that can be bought and worn only in goa-use that during the stay, especially the brightly colored beads and saarongs and skirts - too cute.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Mumbai - the city of life
The filthy sewage with plastic littered around it,
the whizzing locals packed with people,
the dusty skyline with long skyscrapers,
population that encloses every ethnic group.
That was my first impression of mumbai as I got off the train and moved towards a taxi. The exact features of city life - dirt and crowded roads.
I went shopping on Kolaba and on Lincoln Road. My wallet was stolen but fortunately, it did not contain any cash except for some chiller and a photograph.
As me and my friends walked along Marine Drive at sunset,I was still wondering why people love this city so much that any mumbaikar who comes to bangalore is unable to stay in bangalore for more than a year. We sat down along the road at Nariman Point and over a cup of chaha and a cone of salted groundnuts, my friend explained about life in mumbai. He asked us to look at the buildings along the road, the old and the new, the 2 stadiums and the road lit up with orange lights. He told us that if you were to imagine every light to be a person, then you get an idea of how vast this city is, and how numerous the opportunities are. Only then do you realise how insignificant you are to the person who is walking beside you on the road, and how meaningless your problems are. At that point, if you can stand tall and smile at those buildings, then you have arrived.
Amen to that.
the whizzing locals packed with people,
the dusty skyline with long skyscrapers,
population that encloses every ethnic group.
That was my first impression of mumbai as I got off the train and moved towards a taxi. The exact features of city life - dirt and crowded roads.
I went shopping on Kolaba and on Lincoln Road. My wallet was stolen but fortunately, it did not contain any cash except for some chiller and a photograph.
As me and my friends walked along Marine Drive at sunset,I was still wondering why people love this city so much that any mumbaikar who comes to bangalore is unable to stay in bangalore for more than a year. We sat down along the road at Nariman Point and over a cup of chaha and a cone of salted groundnuts, my friend explained about life in mumbai. He asked us to look at the buildings along the road, the old and the new, the 2 stadiums and the road lit up with orange lights. He told us that if you were to imagine every light to be a person, then you get an idea of how vast this city is, and how numerous the opportunities are. Only then do you realise how insignificant you are to the person who is walking beside you on the road, and how meaningless your problems are. At that point, if you can stand tall and smile at those buildings, then you have arrived.
Amen to that.
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